I didn't realize she was there
Curled up in the darkness
Her small hurting hands
Covering her eyes
She tries to stay still
Very quiet
Very small
If she tells herself she is ok
Maybe it will all go away
Maybe she really will be ok
She curls up a little tighter
She tries to sing silently to herself
She tries really hard to make it all ok
But she is afraid
Very, very afraid
Sometimes it's all too much
The thoughts
The pictures
The voices
The fear
They Scream
They overwhelm her
She is suddenly back
In terror's grip
Afraid
Forgotten
Alone
She is not sure how the terror got her
She is certain she must be crazy
Bad
Icky
Yucky
Unlovely
Unwantable
She tried so hard to be good
She tired so hard to be ok
Sometimes she is terrified to move
To let anyone know she is there
Afraid to open her eyes
Afraid to exist
But sometimes she cries
And sometimes I can hear her
Help me. please help me!
But then one day
Into the dark
Was it
A Voice?
A Whisper?
An Invitation?
A Promise?
She was almost sure she heard His voice
A Voice like no other
Calling her
"Talitha Koum"
She was almost sure she saw a hand reach
into the dark
Into her dark
Reaching for her
Is that light shining in?
She struggles to believe this promise
Did He really speak it to her?
She must have been mistaken
Maybe for others but surely not for her
He couldn't want her
Bad
yucky
unloveable
She wants so badly to take His hand
To run to Him
To curl up in His arms
To be held
To be safe
But she is afraid
Afraid His eyes will be angry
That He will disapprove
She will again be ridiculous
Bad
In trouble
Crazy
Too much
Unwanted
Cast off
Alone
It is almost to much to hope
She knows if that came true
If He rejects her
That it will be the end of hope
ALL would be lost
nothing would be left
But something in her stirs
She reaches
She must try
Why is it so hard to find His hand?
Where is He?
Is He still here?
Has He left already?
She reaches again
She knows His hand is there
He hasn't left
And He isn't leaving
He will stay will her
As long as it takes
He will convince her
He will show her
He is safe
He is love
He is safe
She is His
He will take her by the hand
Open her eyes
He will look into hers
And fill them with Love
Then He will walk with her
Out of the darkness
And into the Light
Then she will dance and sing
Safe and free
Mark 5:41
Taking her by the hand he said to her,
“Talitha koum,” which means,
“Little girl, I say to you, arise.”
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